Toothpaste On The Stairs: A Story About Marriage & Style
I've been married for 16 years. My sweet angel husband, Erik, is a fastidious person. He tidies, vacuums, wipes counters, and more - daily. I on the other hand, am…not this way. I leave empty Diet Coke cans around the house, leave my dirty laundry on the bathroom floor, and often let trash pile up in the car.
I like to think I keep things interesting. You’d have to confirm this with him.
This brings us to one of our first big disagreements, early on in our marriage. And it was all about a box of toothpaste on the stairs.
I don't remember who put it there, but I do know that it sat there for over two weeks. We both walked past it multiple times a day, for 14+ days. I remember during this time being impressed that Erik was letting it sit. Maybe he was loosening up a bit! I decided to leave it there as a sign of my support.
Until one day, Erik was acting annoyed with me. I asked him about it.
“Are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?” he said.
“What elephant?” I replied, “I can tell something's bothering you, but I don't know what it is!”
“The TOOTHPASTE???” he said, sounding hurt.
“Oh, that toothpaste? On the stairs?” I said, pointing.
“Of course that toothpaste! Do you even SEE IT there? How can you walk past it every day and not pick it up???”
I was thunderstruck. I had assumed weeks ago that he wanted to let it slide.
He had assumed weeks ago that I felt I was “above” picking it up.
There was a huge disconnect between what we SAW, and what we FELT.
Of course, after we both explained our points of view, apologized to each other, and laughed about it, I did go put the toothpaste away.
Why am I telling you this story about passive aggressive toothpaste clutter?
Because you are likely having the exact same disconnect when it comes to your style.
I talk to women everyday, and I frequently hear some version of this statement: “It shouldn't matter what I wear. People should just get to know me."
Sound familiar?
This sentiment comes from a good, honorable place, but it backfires more often than not.
When it comes to communicating your values: If it looks like you don't care about yourself or those around you, that is what people will feel.
If you’re anything like my clients, you care deeply about upholding your values in every area of your life. You value kindness, honesty, connection, trust. You know that truly values-centered people are hard to come by in this world, and they are worth searching out in a crowd.
Battling to be understood when your outfit is MUTING your message? You’re stealing from those who desperately need your contributions.
Struggling to show up ten-toes-down, with clear eyes, and a mind bursting with ideas - all because you feel frumpy in your outfit? This should break your heart.
If you've ever had a thought like, “It shouldn't matter how I dress”, I'm willing to bet you aren’t making the impact you know damn well you’re capable of.
Don’t let poor non-verbal communication undercut your mission here. Clothing that upholds your values isn’t a costume. It isn’t an act. It’s not shallow or vapid or materialistic.
It’s directness, clarity, honesty. It’s comfort for you and a no-fuss “message received” for everyone around you. And not just for strangers or for the people in power.
By dressing with your values on blast, it's telling the people inside the four walls of your home that you are living life to the fullest, beside them, behind them all the way, and out in front with unshakable leadership. You start a ripple effect of boldness.
And that, my friend, is a gift to the whole world.
Want to find out your style superpowers, and where your blind spots are? I have a tool for values-centered folks that you’ll absolutely love. It’s FREE, and only takes 10-15 minutes to use. Be warned though: The Wheel of Style is powerful, and it’s for rebels only. If you take me up on it, and follow through with completing it, you will reach new levels in your style in fewer steps, with presence and purpose.
Do you have the guts to learn about yourself what most people won’t?
Click the button to access the FREE Wheel of Style download!
